I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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