One girl and one boy is just not enough.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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