2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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