god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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