Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
