We named our party play list daddy issues
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
