I wish you could order shots online.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
