I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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