Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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