I wish I only lived at night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
