She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
