The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
