On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.