Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
