Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
vagina is talking i cant
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.