Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize