Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
