The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
