my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
4 words: hood of his car
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
