I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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