I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
