Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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