Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize