U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
