I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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