My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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