I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
