I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
