You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
