Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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