Kiss
Puke
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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