how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
