I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
