please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
