Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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