Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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