I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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