I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
