do herpes really smell.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
