I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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