I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
