Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
