I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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