i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
