I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
