even my farts smell like vagina
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
