I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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