I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
