literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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