I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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