You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
