Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have tasted many bathrooms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
