Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This house was built for laser tag.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
