Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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