I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
