I smell stomach acid.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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