Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
