think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
