I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
