i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well you can't waste a boner
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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