dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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