my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
