On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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