im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
