Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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