i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
