drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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